Muddled thoughts in the midst of a pandemic

It was nearly two years ago when I left my home country to work in the UK. I’ve always thought of it as a break away from my comfort zone—a big adventure. A way to find myself all over again. I never did consider the possibilities and things that can happen; or maybe I did, but then I probably just shoved them all to the back of my mind, together with all the worries and troubles of the past, hoping they won’t come knocking anytime soon.

And now, here we are. We suddenly find ourselves entangled in one of the biggest turmoils of this decade. A biological warfare, the likes of which I thought I’d never see in real life. Armed with what protection we can give and get against the foe we’re forced to battle, we are suddenly in the middle of a messy plot wherein we don’t get to know what happens next.

I am a nurse, one of the many forming a chain around the most vulnerable, hoping to keep them safe from this disease. But we are not invincible. I imagine the link getting weaker and weaker by the day as the medical staff are finding ourselves afflicted with the very same contagion that we’re trying to protect our patients from.

Only a few months ago, my greatest worry was that I might not be able to fit everything I wanted to do during my holiday schedule. Now, as I am thousands of miles away from home, my greatest fear is that I won’t be able to hug, let alone see, my loved ones again.

Before, I used to wish for time to pass by swiftly, paying no mind to what each second has to offer.. but in this very moment, we’re not even sure how much of it we have exactly. I now realise that every drop of joy, melancholy, pain, frustration, disappointment, is something that deserves to be cherished, for it means that we can still feel them. That we’re still here.

Is it too late yet?